


Anything They Can Do

by midget_boss



Series: One Universe Over [18]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:55:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midget_boss/pseuds/midget_boss
Summary: Fives is indignant that the 212th have therapy animals and the 501st doesn't. This should not become Echo's problem, but somehow it does.
Relationships: CT-21-0408 | CT-1409 | Echo & CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives
Series: One Universe Over [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924129
Kudos: 33





	Anything They Can Do

“I just came up with the best idea ever!” Fives cried as he pulled Echo into the empty nook in the corridor just outside of the hangars. “Remember how we were talking the other day about Crys and Waxer and that whole lot? About how they told us all about those therapy animals that Buzz got them?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” Echo agreed irritably. He nodded grimly at Hardcase, who made kissy faces at him, and plotted how to get him back later. “How could I not, when you haven’t stopped talking about it yet?”

“Well, I got one of the boys to look it up, you know, just so I could tell them to stop making things up, but it turns out that therapy animals are actually a thing.” Fives shook his head. “Who would’ve guessed that?”

“Seriously?” Echo asked, surprised enough that he forgot what he was plotting. “I thought they were making it up.”

“So did I, but it’s actually true,” Fives replied with a huge grin.

“Well, that’s cool I guess,” Echo said, puzzled by Fives’ cheer.

“You know what else is cool?” Fives demanded, but he didn’t wait for an answer. “According to my research.”

“That you got the boys and intelligence to do for you,” Echo pointed out dryly.

“Yeah okay, that’s not the point,” Fives retorted, shoving him. “The point is that according to the research, animals are good for a lot of reasons, not just for therapy. They are especially good at lifting people’s spirits. Now, you and I both know that Commander Tano and Captain Rex are always going on about morale.”

“Yeah,” Echo agreed slowly. He had a bad feeling about this. “What’s your point?”

“So that’s our reason,” Fives announced happily. “Now we just have to figure out what kind to go after and how to get it on board.”

“Okay, what?” Echo demanded. “I’m not sure I even understand what you’re saying.”

“What do you mean? It seems self-explanatory to me,” Fives replied, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, no. I’m going to need a lot more detail,” Echo told him flatly.

“We should get an animal for the 501st,” Fives explained excitedly. “Maybe even two, so they don’t get lonely when we’re busy.”

Echo stared at him. “How should I put this? Your idea stinks.”

“It does not,” Fives protested hotly.

“Yes, it does,” Echo hissed, lowering his voice when he heard footsteps. “Where you even came up with the idea is beyond me.”

“I already told you,” Fives began.

“Never mind,” Echo cut in. “What I mean is, I’m not sure why you think this would be a good idea. You honestly think an attack Legion is a place for an animal, let alone two?”

“The 212th is an attack Battalion and apparently they’re managing it,” Fives retorted. “And if they can do it, we can, too.”

“In most cases I am all for that reasoning,” Echo said, “but in this case, I’m not so sure about that. For one thing, they have High General Kenobi who can probably get away with that kind of thing, and if the rumors are true, General Kenobi is really good with animals. Like, weirdly good.” He held up his hand to keep Fives from interrupting. “And wasn’t it their medic who brought the animals on board, not a lowly pair of troopers?”

“He doesn’t rank us,” Fives protested. He paused and tilted his head. “Does he?”

“Ranks got nothing to do with it,” Echo snapped. “You know medics hold a special place, regardless of actual rank. Not even the generals want to mess with them. Just imagine what Kix would say!”

“So we get Kix in on it,” Fives replied with a shrug. His eyes lit up. “I bet we could even get Commander Tano in on it.”

“This is a terrible ideal,” Echo insisted.

Five grinned back at him as he started to walk away. “This is an awesome idea and when it all works out I’m going to get to say I told you so.”

“One of us is going to say I told you so,” Echo agreed as he reluctantly followed, “but it definitely won’t be you.”

“Have a little faith, Echo,” Fives called over his shoulder. “This will be easy.”

……………………

“Absolutely not,” Kix said firmly. He held up a hand to forestall Fives’s protest. “No, Fives, just think about it for one moment.”

“I have been thinking about it,” Fives protested.

“He’s certainly been talking about it,” Echo grumbled. “In fact, he hasn’t stopped talking about it.”

“Have you tried applying blunt force?” Kix asked dryly.

“Kix,” Fives whined. “That was just hurtful.”

“You want hurtful?” Kix asked with a frown. “Hurtful is when you work your hind end off to keep people healthy and injury free, and what’s the thanks you get? They try to give you more work, only this time it’s work you don’t have any experience with! I don’t know the first thing about animals and you expect me to take responsibility for some!”

“No, not at all,” Fives protested hastily. “We’ll be taking care of them.”

“Who is we?” Kix demanded. “And I’ll have you know that all animals require health checkups, at the very least. What if you found one, or two, that had health problems? Then what would we do?”

“Buzz is managing it,” Fives muttered.

Kix’s eyes narrowed. “And I suppose if Buzz jumps off a cliff, I should do that, too.”

“Er, no?” Fives said meekly.

“Get out of my medbay,” Kix ordered flatly. He looked back down at the data pad in his hand. “I do not want to hear any more about this harebrained idea.”

“Yes, sir,” Fives grumbled. He hustled over to the door when Kix glared at him. Echo followed and shook his head when he heard a muttered, “we can do it without you.”

……………………

“I still say it isn’t fair,” Fives grumbled five days later as they sat in the cafeteria.

“I still say it doesn’t actually matter,” Echo retorted as he dumped hot sauce on his stew. “Can we please just drop it already? Kix said no, so let’s just leave it at that.”

“We can’t just leave it at that,” Fives protested. He whirled his spoon in his stew aggressively, slopping some over the side.

“Actually, yes we can,” Echo replied. “And that’s exactly what I intend to do.”

“Well, I’m not,” Fives informed him.

“Of course you’re not,” Echo grumbled, “because that would be too easy. And if it’s one thing I will never have in my life, it’s anything that goes easy. “

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” Fives demanded.

“Probably the same place as Kix’s,” Echo retorted before he took a bite of food.

“So it’s dead?” Fives demanded. “Already? And at such a young age.”

“Fives,” Echo said warningly.

“Your sense of humor seems to have died, also,” Fives muttered.

“Who died?” Commander Tano asked as she plopped herself down in an open seat.

Echo stared at the slab of bloody meat on her plate. “Apparently that just did.”

Commander Tano grinned at him. “You’re almost right. Rex helped me snare it yesterday,” she told him happily. She closed her eyes as she leaned forward and took a deep breath. “It’s been far too long since I’ve been able to eat something I caught myself. I am so looking forward to this.”

“You got it yourself? That’s awesome, Commander,” Echo said.

“Yeah, she’s a real beast,” Rex announced sourly as he walked up. His eyes skidded over the plate and he shuddered.

“Come on, take a load off,” Tano invited with a wicked grin.

“No, thank you, Commander,” Rex replied. He nodded over to where Kix sat alone. “I think I’ll keep him company today.”

“You’re not going to get to enjoy the fruits of your labor if you sit all the way over there,” Tano told him earnestly.

“Exactly,” Rex agreed grimly. He nodded at Echo and Fives as he walked off.

“That was odd,” Fives muttered under his breath.

“Not really, I guess,” Tano said. Her smile became a half grimace as she admitted, “I kind of forgot myself and started eating it right away.”

“What was it like?” Fives asked, leaning forward.

“No.” Echo shook his head slowly. “I do not want to hear this conversation.”

“Don’t tell me you’re squeamish, too,” Tano cried with a scowl.

“I wouldn’t call myself or the Captain that,” Echo told her frankly. “But there are some topics I do not want to cover while I’m eating, or any time.”

“Fair enough,” Tano said with a sigh. She poked at her meat.

“What’s wrong?” Fives asked. “You can whisper the answer to me if you want.’

“No, that’s okay,” Tano replied. She rubbed the back of her neck and Echo nudged Fives when he opened his mouth. After a long moment she went on. “It’s just, there’s no one here who enjoys this sort of thing like I do. At the Temple, I could sometimes go out with Master Ti or another Togruta, or even one of the other Knights or Masters who eat raw meat, and we could enjoy some of the dishes of our home. But here, there’s no one I can share this with. I haven’t had a hunt meal in a long time and while you guys are great you aren’t exactly sharing it with me in the same way.”

“I’ll try some,” Fives offered. He jabbed Echo in the side with his pointy elbow.

“No,” Echo said flatly. “I like you, commander, don’t get me wrong, but I am not trying raw meat unless it’s the only food I have. And I don’t want to hear any more about it. I’d like to finish my lunch.”

“Yeah, it’s not actually good for you, or many humanoid species,” Tano told them with a smile. “It took me a few lessons in the crèche before I finally understood that, but I’ve got it now. And Kix already told me I’d be cleaning out bed pans for a week if I gave you any.”

“He ruins everything,” Fives muttered, trying to glare at the medic without being spotted. Kix caught him and did not look impressed as he signed, ‘ _No. Latrine duty. Twice_.’ “Everything. Sometimes it feels like being back on Kamino.”

“It’s for your own good,” Tano assured him hastily. “You can get parasites from it. Would you want to have worms growing inside of you?”

Echo dumped the last half of his stew onto Fives’ plate and stood up. “Commander, please excuse me. Fives, you will not drag me into this. If you do something that makes Kix decide to punish you, I’m going to come around just to laugh at you.”

“Now you’re just being mean,” Fives grumbled, but Echo kept walking. “And rude.”

“Well, he did say he didn’t want to hear it,” Tano said sheepishly behind him. “Most people don’t want to hear that part, but it’s important.”

“What kind of parasites are they?” Fives asked. Echo quickly dropped off his empty tray and hurried out of the room.

……………………

“Enjoying your meal, Arc Trooper Echo?” Kix asked pleasantly. Echo felt every muscle in his body seize up. Kix was never that formal unless there was trouble. He warily watched the medic sit down with his evening meal.

“I was,” he answered carefully.

“Not having any further stomach issues?” Kix went on as he removed the top bread piece from his meatless sandwich and proceeded to put a strange assortment of condiments on top.

“Further issues?” Echo asked as he helplessly watched the mish mash of colors that was forming. It looked almost like the trench he’d been pinned down in during the last battle. He grimaced and looked up to see Kix studying him thoughtfully. Belatedly he realized that there had to me more to this line of questioning than he knew and it probably led back to Fives. “Oh, er, no. No further issues.”

“Did you experience any of the normal side effects?” Kix questioned pleasantly.

“Nope,” Echo said with perfect truth.

“So how did you take the medication?” Kix asked curiously. “I haven’t found a way to reduce the side effects in most of my patients.”

“Ah, yeah, about that, I uh, I’ve forgotten,” Echo replied. He tried to ignore the trickle of sweat crawling slowly down his neck. “Sorry.”

“You have no idea what I’m talking about,” Kix said flatly, eyes naroowed. “Where’s your buddy Fives?”

For a few heartbeats he thought about dragging this out, but Fives hadn’t even warned him about this, so he decided to give up and told him, “I don’t know that, either.”

“When I find out what he’s doing, you and Jesse had better be standing by,” Kix announced sourly.

“I’m not going to be your alibi,” Echo told him and immediately regretted it.

“Wasn’t expecting you to be,” Kix told him wryly. “We’re all pretty bad at it, but you’d be absolute shit at it anyway. No sense relying on you.”

“Thanks,” Echo muttered, trying to ignore the way his ears were heating up.

“Don’t tell him I’m on to him,” Kix warned. “Avoid answering the question if he asks, but it’d be better to avoid giving him a reason to ask.”

“Then I’d better go before anyone spots us sitting here,” Echo said as he rose. He picked up his mostly empty plate.

“You sure you’re okay?” Kix asked with a frown. “This is the second meal I’ve seen you not finish.”

“I’m fine,” Echo assured him hastily. He shoved the last quarter of his sandwich in his mouth and nearly choked. Frantically, he waved Kix away when the medic started to rise. After a minute of coughing and maneuvering he managed to get it down. “Sorry. I’m fine. Just hit the back of my throat.”

“That’s why people usually chew their food before swallowing it,” Kix pointed out dryly. “And so do clones, so don’t try to pull that one.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Echo told him quietly. “I do know how to eat.”

“Could have fooled me with that ridiculous stunt,” Kix grumbled. He waved him away. “Get out of here before you ruin my dinner.”

Echo continued to the trash receptacle, steadfastly ignoring the whispering around him. At least this was a slow time. Only about two dozen of his brothers had seen that. It might even take a whole hour before everyone was talking about it. He was going to get to his class, find a seat in the back, and hope that whatever Fives was up to, it would take the attention off of Echo sooner rather than later.

……………………

“What’d Kix say to you that made you choke?” Fives demanded as soon as Echo walked out of his class. Behind him he heard Ridge and Cameron snickering.

“Out of the way,” Flash grumbled, shoulder checking him to the side. “Quite flirting where people are walking.”

“It’s no wonder you never get any, if you think that’s flirting,” Fives retorted.

Flash swung toward him, but from the room Matchstick called, “Do I need to deal with whatever’s blocking the doorway?”

“No, sir,” Echo answered, dragging Fives down the hall.

“Better treat your boyfriend real nice, Fives,” Flash said as he stalked after them. “He deserves something special for all the times he’s saved you.”

“You spend time dreaming about it, huh?” Fives asked with a cheeky grin. “Didn’t know you so interested in what other vod do. Or is it that you want to watch? Not my thing, but whatever works for you.”

“Will you please shut up?” Echo growled as he pulled Fives around two squads marching in formation. They took up enough of the hallway that they should be able to lose Flash.

“Race you,” Fives called as he pulled away.

“Some days,” Echo muttered under his breath as he sprinted after him, “you are more trouble than I deserve.”

“Only some days?” Captain Rex asked as he easily fell into step beside him.

“Captain,” Echo squawked, almost veering into the wall. He flushed when the captain took his arm to steady him. They didn’t stop, though. Arc troopers didn’t let a little thing like almost running into a wall stop them. “Sorry, sir. I didn’t see you there.”

“I imagine you didn’t,” Captain Rex said dryly. “Too busy getting to wherever we’re going, I take it.”

“That seems to be true,” Echo replied carefully.

“What’s he done now?” the captain asked with a sigh.

“I don’t know what,” Echo began, fully intending to deny any mischief, but his captain raised one eyebrow and he caved. “I honestly have no idea what it’s about, but it’s definitely something, sir.”

“Well this should be fun,” Captain Rex said with a sigh. He shook his head. “He couldn’t have waited just one more day?”

“I’m sorry, what was that, sir?” Echo asked hesitantly.

“Never mind, Echo,” Captain Rex replied. “Let’s go find out what has Kix in a snit. I’m guessing that’s what this is about.”

“I wouldn’t know, sir,” Echo said honestly. “This is the first time I’ve seen Fives since yesterday.”

“If this turns out to be bad, I’m assigning you to keep watch on him,” Captain Rex informed him.

Echo nearly stopped, but once again the captain kept him moving forward. “I thought you liked me, sir,” he protested.

“I also like my sanity,” he said. “It’s not so much that I like you less, as it is that my sanity is more useful.”

“I can’t argue that,” Echo muttered morosely.

“You spend most of your time with him, anyway,” the captain went on.

“Yeah, but there’s a difference between hanging out with someone and watching over them,” Echo muttered.

“You’re right,” Captain Rex agreed as they pulled to a stop at an intersection. “The latter sucks and can ruin relationships. I get it, but I’ve already got two Jedi to try to keep an eye on while doing more work than either of you.”

“Fair point,” Echo conceded. “And for the record, we wouldn’t want anyone else.”

“I’ll admit that personally that means a lot to me,” the captain said quietly. “Professionally, though, it makes no difference. I will absolutely sacrifice your free time and possibly your sanity. I like to think it’s for the greater good.”

A yell cut through any response Echo could have made. They sped around the corner and through the hangar bay doors, but it was empty. Fives started cursing from somewhere to the right, so they raced around the fighters to the small pilot’s room. He stood in the doorway, one hand clenched tightly on the doorframe. Through the window the room looked like a mess.

“What is going on, Arc Trooper Fives?” Captain Rex demanded.

Fives turned to look over his shoulder warily. “Ah, Captain Rex, sir, it’s good to see you.”

Something shifted in the room. A strange high-pitched sound started up, quickly followed by a second one. Inside the room a chair toppled over and the noises came louder for a moment.

“Arc Trooper,” Rex said in his most thunderous voice. “Explain.”

Just then Fives flailed and toppled into the room. Two figures as long as his leg and as thick as his torso climbed on top of him. Their short legs left scratches in his armor that he’d need to buff out later. He groaned as they flopped on his back.

“Can you get them off of me?” Fives pleaded. “They’re a lot heavier than they look.”

Echo looked over at Captain Rex. His commanding officer closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know what they are or how you got them on here, but they’re leaving as soon as possible. And then we’ll talk about this.” He looked at Echo.

The creatures suddenly started making noise. Apparently satisfied with conquering Fives, they dashed out and nearly collided with Echo’s shins. He jumped out of the way and they headed for the nearest fighter. One of them managed to get a wire in his teeth and bit clean through it. The thing made an unhappy sound as it let go. Both sniffed the wire, then darted to the next fighter.

“They probably shouldn’t do that,” Echo announced.

“They definitely shouldn’t do that,” Captain Rex agreed in a carefully controlled tone that made Echo's blood run cold. “Arc Trooper Fives, get up. The two of you corral them while I find something to put them in.” He headed further down the hangar.

“Would you like me to say ‘I told you so’ now, or wait until it’s all over?” Echo asked as he moved to haul Fives to his feet.

“It’s not over yet, so save it,” Fives grumbled. “This might still work.”

“How?” Echo demanded as he headed for the nearest creature.

“Commander Tano hasn’t seen them yet,” Fives told him cheerfully. “If we can get her on our side, we’ll be golden.”

“There is no we in this,” Echo reminded him as he tried to herd the animal back to the pilot’s room. “You did this all on your own.”

“And yet here you are,” Fives said smugly. “Don’t worry, I’ll let you take some of the credit with the commander.”

“No thanks,” Echo hissed when the animal swerved away suddenly, making a different high pitched noise. It paused to look back at him, tongue lolling out of its mouth, before it raced away again. “It’s mocking me.”

“It’s just playing,” Fives replied, rolling his eyes.

“Have you got them yet?” Captain Rex demanded grimly. He was pushing one of the heavy duty crates they used to transport missiles.

“Just a few more minutes, Captain,” Fives assured him hastily. He grimaced at Echo, who sent a rude sign at him before he turned to track his animal. Hopefully, whatever punishment the Captain and Kix decided on would be enough to discourage him from any future attempts at adopting animals.

**Author's Note:**

> I have this theory that many of the troopers are fascinated by interpersonal relationships because: 1) they're still in roughly the development cycle of the late teens and early twenties; and 2) it's a much lighter topic than dwelling on the war or their particular situation.


End file.
